English

I found this the other day

It's no wonder foreigners have trouble with the english language,

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write,
how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Blogless

I haven't blogged for two months, I feel sort of in dept, the problem is I can't think of anything to blog about. Here's some quotes to tide you over untill I speak again.

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath."
Dave Barry
American writer and humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947

I believe in the 'Big Bang' theory, God spoke and 'BANG', it was.
Anonymous

I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.
Anonymous

Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.
C.S. Lewis

anyone want to know

Rohirrim

To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by

As regards my name

1. Naomi (נעמי) means pleasant.
2. Naomi (נעמי) is the female version of the name Naaman (נצמן).
3. If you spell Naomi (נעמי) backwards you get I moan.
4. Naomi (נעמי) in the bible changed her name to Mara (מרא) meaning bitter.

Did you know?

We Learn . .
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss
80% of what we experience
95% of what we teach others.



"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."

Albert Einstein

Learning to write

Today at college (not to be confused a second time with collage) we learned how to write so that children could read it. It was actually really hard and slow to write in such a basic font. We also had to write in big writing like this. But at least we didn't have to stick to boring black ink.

Just for interest, you should always sit a left handed person on the end because they if you don't their arm will knock into the right handed person's next to them.

Collage

I've just finished my first day at collage for 10 years. It was somewhat daunting at first, but as soon as I was swept along with all the other people on my course it wasn't too bad. At the end of the day the principal gave his lecture on how the collage was amazing and that we must work together to achieve our potential.


PS. Do you like the new colour?

Sharing

The following conversation took place between my mum and my three year old sister Alice. I thought it was very honest.

Mum-They shared in the story didn't they? Do you share with Esther?

Alice-No, I share Esther's toys but I don't share my own.

Joke Joke

I'm back from two more week's of beach mission.
My recent beach team leader made up a Joke, So I think i'd share it with you as I can't think of anything else to post about.

Q.What's the same about a sermon and a Joke
A. There both bad if they have to be explained

I'm Back

I've just got back from two weeks of beach mission at Llandudno, they went very well.
We managed to speak to about 2000 school children in the assemblies as well as to hundreds of adults in the open air's. However about 80% of the people who listened in the open air were already Christians.

One fine day

Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
The topic to discuss...
The crime that has never been committed


One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

Exam high's

Don't you love that elated feeling you get when you've just done an exam. I do, I did two exams today and three yesterday, Now I've got two more tommorow and one the day after.
Exciting hay!!!!!!!!

You know it never ceases to amaze me how that in a room of about ten people everyone mannages to order someting different out of a choice of tea and coffee.

Sorry, a bit random today, must be those exam high's.

Today

So, what exciting things have I done today?
Hmmmm
Well I did business studies-'starting a new firm'
I had an omelet for lunch, made by me.
I took my dog for a walk
Oh and I ate Ben's future wife.
O.k you think I'm mad, but really I'm not
On Saturday Ben made a lemon cake and having tasted it said he wanted to marry it. Unfortunately now he can't because I ate the last piece.

Questions

1. Why are buildings raised to the ground? (I know I spelt it wrong)
2. Why are American Indians called American Indians when the live nowhere near India?
3. If today was Thursday(which it is) would next Monday be the Monday in 4 days time or the one in 11 days time?
4. How can private schools be public?
5. How can you 'sleep like a log' when log's don't sleep?
6. Why will I be guarenteed to think of another question when I've published this blog?

Just a random afterthought - 'You always find something in the last place you look', does this mean that, if you look in the last place you intend to look at first of all, you will find what you lost first time.

Posting

To post or not to post? That is the question
At the moment I am revising for my AS's, I started one of them late and therefore I have half the course to covor in two weeks.
So the answer to the above question may well be not to post for a while.