Moments of Muppetry and other Stories

2008-12-22T14:54:00.001Z

As Tumnus you may be a bit timid and shy. But you are conscientious, caring and friendly and respected by your friends. You hope to set a new trend with your cool beard.

MyPersonality.info Badge

2008-11-20T21:59:00.001Z

Me, through the ages as a bloke

2008-11-11T17:12:00.004Z

1952

1954

1956

1976

1978

1988

1996

2000

Me, through the ages

2008-11-11T16:32:00.011Z

1952

1954

1962

1968

1974

1976

1978

1980

1984

1992

1998

2000

On a friends blog I came across a website called 'yearbook yourself'. So I thought I'd have a go and these were the results.

2008-06-03T22:54:00.002+01:00

I looked at my blog today and realised that I haven't blogged for almost a year, so I thought I'd blog even if it was just to say that I haven't blooged (which was already perfectly obvious).

I've had this quote on my facebook for a while so i'll share it with you.

Well then, I will tell you. Alexander, Caesar, Charlemagne and I myself have founded great empires; but upon what did these creations of our genius depend? Upon force. Jesus alone founded His empire upon love, and to this very day millions will die for Him.... I think I understand something of human nature; and I tell you, all these were men, and I am a man: none else is like Him; Jesus Christ was more than man.... I have inspired multitudes with such an enthusiastic devotion that they would have died for me.... but to do this it was necessary that I should be visibly present with the electric influence of my looks, my words, of my voice. When I saw men and spoke to them, I lighted up the flame of self-devotion in their hearts.... Christ alone has succeeded in so raising the mind of man toward the unseen, that it becomes insensible to the barriers of time and space. Across a chasm of eighteen hundred years, Jesus Christ makes a demand which is beyond all others to satisfy; He asks for that which a philosopher may seek in vain at the hands of his friends, or a father of his children, or a bride of her spouse, or a man of his brother. He asks for the human heart; He will have it entirely to Himself. He demands it unconditionally; and forthwith His demand is granted. Wonderful! In defiance of time and space, the soul of man, with all its powers and faculties, becomes an annexation to the empire of Christ. All who sincerely believe in Him, experience that remarkable, supernatural love toward Him. This phenomenon is accountable; it is altogether beyond the scope of man's creative powers. Time, the great destroyer, is powerless to extinguish this sacred flame; time can neither exhaust its strength nor put a limit to its range. This is it, which strikes me most; I have often thought of it. This is which proves to me quite convincingly the Divinity of Jesus Christ. - Napoleon

More freewriting-on homeschooling

2007-06-20T11:33:00.000+01:00

Sorry if it doesn't make much sense!!! :)

Home schooling

I have been home school for a number of years. 10 to be exact. I'm not home schooled any more. I go to college. Well actually I just finished college. I preferred being home schooled it was a lot more fun and I didn't have to get up as early. Anyhow what else? well I think that home schooling is a great thing. It allows you to do all sorts of things that schooled kids don't get to do. For example music, lots of music and going out in the middle of the day to the shops (not that I did that often but I’m rallying my thoughts to think of something better without stopping) going to museums. My mum and little sisters went to the museum yesterday. Apparently it was fun. They got to mummify somebody. (Not a real person I presume) anyhow that was a bit off topic. Home schooling allows you to be more involved in your church. You can go to midday things for example funerals and weddings of the people in the church and you can visit people who are sick when no one else has time. You can also go on holiday when no one else is about which is quite cool because then you don't get stuck in traffic. Or in a queue to the places you want to visit. Home schooling is also good because it lets you grow in strength in the Lord before you are pushed into the world. Unlike school educated kids who get pushed into the world at three years old (not literally, it's what ever that other word is that I can’t think of right now) I know people say that it stops you witnessing when your young in school. But actually it doesn't really. As someone said you never pull someone up from sin, they pull you down. That’s what school does, it gradually make you more like itself. I admit that we should all be salt and light but we don't do that by expecting a three year old to stand the tide of an ungodly school but by gradually introducing them to the world, its temptations and what is good. Home schooling also makes you closer as a family it lets you learn together and you spend all your time together, your also not dependent on the company of other people outside you family.

Freewriting

2007-06-19T17:04:00.000+01:00

I was just looking at a website/page and came across something called freewriting. It is, and I quote
" non-stop writing that is designed to uncover ideas. Freewriting is writing with the critic button disengaged. There are no rules or form to follow. You may change directions or subjects at whim. Freewriting may be focused on unfocused. Unfocused freewriting is like window shopping through your mind just to see what's in there at any given moment. You scout out the territory and if you don't find anything of value - no problem. If you do discover a potential idea, you can pause to examine it more closely or return to it later. Focused freewriting involves writing about a particular topic as a means of discovering what you already know or think about it." (http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~e101comp/literacies/freewriting.html) I did it for ten minutes on each of these subjects. You need to write for the whole ten minutes without stopping so it can include you wondering what else to write.

Here you go anyway. (I did spell check it to make it readable)

College

I have just finished college. I didn't really enjoy it although I sometimes wondered what I was doing there. I didn't like the subject I took which was the BTEC in Early Years. Not because I don't like children but because I just don't particularly like learning about them. I did lots of placement hours. 800 to be exact. They were sometimes quite interesting but other times they were really boring. What next. Well actually next I have thought of either getting a job or doing A levels in different subjects. Maths, biloogy and Physics and also Music. I really enjoy music. In fact that was one of the most enjoyable parts of my BTEC course. I could take my musical instruments into the schools and the children could watch my play them. They really enjoyed the accordion and started clapping to the beat totally unprovokedly. I can't think of anything else to write. No doubt something will come to me in time. It often happens like that. You feel you've come to a dead end and abracadabra you suddenly have an amazing idea. It's almost like it came out of nowhere. But it must have come out of somewhere mustn’t it, Probably from the creativity that is subconscious. And that most of the time you hardly ever realise is there. Anyhow I just went off on a total tangent. But it's very hard to write for ten minutes non stop without writing some total nonsense. I rather enjoy doing this I’ve never heard of it before but it really gives your brain a workout. It's a bit like going to a mind Gym. Oh 1 minute 20 seconds left. Well back to college. Apparently there is a presentation evening on Thursday. I'm not all that sure what it's about. Apparently it's something to do with the best person on the course or something.

Toothbrushes

I have no idea why i chose to write about toothbrushes. It was the first thing that came into my head. The reason for toothbrushes is to clean your teeth. It brushes them and brushes the dirt from them. Teeth can very very dirty. Probably through eating foods and through breathing through your mouth. Did you know that we all swallow about ten spiders in a year(or was it a life time, I can't remember) anyhow. Imagine the dirt that gets on your teeth through spiders crawling on them. Obviously now you can see a reason for brushing your teeth. Obviously also you can’t just use any old brush to brush your teeth. I mean a hair brush for example would not only be way to large to fit in your mouth but it would probably make it dirtier than before. Not if it was brand new of course but still. The first argument still stands. You also couldn’t use a brush and shovel brush. That would also be rather large for ones mouth. Having said which the prickle brush things would probably reach into your mouth. However I probably wouldn't enjoy that. It would probably hurt. I think that I'll stick to toothbrushes for my teeth. I don't really know what else to write I'm running out of things to say. But I must continue. Oh I've thought of something. If you don't brush your teeth they might go all rotten. And then you'd need to go to the dentists to get a filling. That would probably hurt a lot because they drill into your gum. I mean they do give you anaesthetic but still you probably feel them drilling. I don't really know because I've never had that experience. Perhaps that’s because I always brush my teeth or perhaps because I always use a toothbrush to brush my teeth instead of a hair brush. Or perhaps that’s got nothing to do with it. I will never know.

2007-05-18T10:39:00.000+01:00

I hope all my readers approve of the new title to my blog, I thought my last one showed an egotistic spirit and as almost none of the posts are about me I thought I would do well to change it.
The inspiration came to me during a driving lesson, I was driving along a housing estate(or something to that effect) when I suddely decided the road was a 'one way' street. And so in order to turn right I moved over to the right side, much to my driving instructors annoyance and confution. Having explained to him my thought process in the matter he asked me if we could have no more moments of muppetry for the rest of lesson. At that moment (well a bit later)I thought, what a cool name for a blog. And so, here we are.

Anyhow here is another poem by Kipling, one which I rather like

When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag, the wayside cobra, hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can,
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail
-For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws
'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the others tale -
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations, worm and savage otherwise,
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise;
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger; Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue - to the scandal of the Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same,
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity - must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions - not in these her honor dwells -
She, the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else!

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate;
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions - in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him, who denies!
He will meet no cool discussion, but the instant, white-hot wild
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges - even so the she-bear fights;
Speech that drips, corrodes and poisons - even so the cobra bites;
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw,
And the victim writhes with anguish - like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of abstract justice - which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern; shall enthrall but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him and Her instincts never fail,
That the female of Her species is more deadly than the male!

2007-01-11T11:10:00.000Z

It's been on my conscience recently that I hardly ever blog anything about myself. The reason for this being that ...

A)I can't be bothered
B)Linked to the above, it takes more time than copying and pasting some other cool thing from the internet
C)I have a boring life, and would bore anyone to death who read my blog if they were reading about my life

However I am of course assuming I have readers of my blog, but to my knowledge almost all of them see me regulaly and therefore know about my life anyway.

Anyway for those of you who do want to know about my life, here is my excerpt from our family newsletter.

- For the past year and four months I have been studying the BTEC in Early Years (childcare) at our local FE college. This course has done little for me except convince me that working with large numbers of children is not for me. I am personally of the opinion that I am too nice a person, because while the children think I am cool they never do what I tell them to do. I think that perhaps I should work on some kind of reverse psychology and get them to do things by telling them not to do it. Anyhow having changed my mind about this I am in the predicament of having tied in my options as to what I can do instead. I am thinking of doing radiography but the university want an A level in a science subject, so I may be subjected to another year or two of Deeside college before I can pursue this course. However on another topic I have joined the Flintshire Youth choir and orchestra, this is very enjoyable. The orchestra is a lot harder than the choir; at present I am terribly pleased if I even just play the first and the last note at the same time as everyone else. Having said which the first is usually ok, but the last is far more challenging; I usually finish a few bars in front or behind everyone else. Its a good job other people cover my mistakes.
During the summer months I did a number of weeks on UBM, it was great!! Lots of people got converted (to Christianity, just thought I'd clear that up before I go any further) and I played the accordion, which is also terribly enjoyable although I have a tendency to play too fast and all the old ladies on the prom were turning blue.
Oh and one more thing, more of a warning than anything else. I have started driving lessons, and I really love it, especially when I go fast. My motto is keep death off the roads: so I drive on the pavements. There is one small problem though in that I am kind of too short for the car.

2007-01-11T10:33:00.000Z

I've recently turned into a bit of a fan of Rudyard Kipling, anyway here is one of his poems entitled 'The Pilgrims Way'

I do not look for holy saints to guide me on my way,
Or male and female devilkins to lead my feet astray.
If these are added, I rejoice---if not, I shall not mind,
So long as I have leave and choice to meet my fellow-kind.
For as we come and as we go (and deadly-soon go we!)
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

Thus I will honour pious men whose virtue shines so bright
(Though none are more amazed than I when I by chance do right),
And I will pity foolish men for woe their sins have bred
(Though ninety-nine per cent. of mine I brought on my own head).
And, Amorite or Eremite, or General Averagee,
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

And when they bore me overmuch, I will not shake mine ears,
Recalling many thousand such whom I have bored to tears.
And when they labour to impress, I will not doubt nor scoff;
Since I myself have done no less and---sometimes pulled it off.
Yea, as we are and we are not, and we pretend to be,
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

And when they work me random wrong, as oftentimes hath been,
I will not cherish hate too long (my hands are none too clean).
And when they do me random good I will not feign surprise.
No more than those whom I have cheered with wayside charities.
But, as we give and as we take---whate'er our takings be---
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

But when I meet with frantic folk who sinfully declare
There is no pardon for their sin, the same I will not spare
Till I have proved that Heaven and Hell which in our hearts we have
Show nothing irredeemable on either side of the grave.
For as we live and as we die---if utter Death there be---
The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!

Deliver me from every pride---the Middle, High, and Low---
That bars me from a brother's side, whatever pride he show.
And purge me from all heresies of thought and speech and pen
That bid me judge him otherwise than I am judged. Amen!
That I may sing of Crowd or King or road-borne company,
That I may labour in my day, vocation and degree,
To prove the same in deed and name, and hold unshakenly
(Where'er I go, whate'er I know, whoe'er my neighbor be)
This single faith in Life and Death and to Eternity:
"The people, Lord, Thy people, are good enough for me!''

2006-11-20T20:07:00.000Z

For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word onnutrition and health, and it's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British or Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British or Americans.
3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British or Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British or Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British or Americans.
6. Ukrainians drink a lot of vodka, eat a lot of perogies, cabbage rolls and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Canadians, British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

2006-10-23T16:44:00.000+01:00

A lot has happen since I last blogged

Another college year has started
Another placement has started
Another year of my life has started
Another skill I have begun to learn (driving)

Oh well there we go

That wasn't really what I wanted to blog about anyway but I thought I'd give an update on my present situation.

You know one of the things I hate about writing assignments for college is that they are soooo boring. They are so perscribed that they kill originality and creativity. they not only tell you what to write an assignment on but tell you what they want in it. In fact it's rather ironic that these assignments often contain information on how 'not' to do the very same thing to young children. (hardly a great example is it)

Notice these three point on discouraging creativity in children taken from "Goleman, Kaufman and Ray (1992) The creative spirit, 63"

Over-control - Constantly telling kid how to do things, . . . Often leaves children feeling like their originality is a mistake and any exploration a waste of time.

Restricting choice - Telling children which activities they should engage in instead of letting them follow where their curiosity and passion lead . . . Again restricts active exploration and experimentation that might lead to creative discovery and production.

Pressure - Establishing grandiose expectations for a child's performance . . . Often ends up instilling aversion for a subject or activity. . . .Unreasonably high expectations often pressure children to perform and conform within strictly prescribed guidelines, and, again, deter experimentation, exploration, and innovation. Grandiose expectations are often beyond children's developmental capabilities.

Doesn't this sound familiar, I've no doubt that this is not my experience alone.

Should not this not also be encouraged

Fluency - The ability to generate a number of ideas so that there is an increase of possible solutions or related products.

Flexibility - The ability to produce different categories or perceptions whereby there are a variety of different ideas about the same problem or thing.

Elaboration - The ability to add to, embellish, or build off of an idea or product.

Originality - The ability to create fresh, unique, unusual, totally new, or extremely different ideas or products

Complexity -The ability to conceptualize difficult, intricate, many layered or multifaceted ideas or products.

Risk-taking - The willingness to be courageous, adventuresome, daring -- trying new things or taking risks in order to stand apart.

Imagination - The ability to dream up, invent, or to see, to think, to conceptualize new ideas or products to be ingenious.

Curiosity - The trait of exhibiting probing behaviors, asking and posing questions, searching, being able to look deeper into ideas, and the wanting to know more about something.

(Adapted and modified from the works of Williams, F. E)

Sorry, end of rant

When I die

2006-08-21T14:34:00.000+01:00

There was once an elderly christian lady who was approaching the end of her life. As her minister sat by her hospital bed praying and reading to her she said to him.
"When I die, I'd like to be buried with a spoon"
What thoughts must have passed through his head when he heard those words
"Why?" asked the somewhat shocked minister
"Well" she answered "When I used to go to people's houses for dinner, sometimes at the end of the meal when people were clearing away the dishers someone would lean over and say to me "keep your spoon" I knew that this would mean that there was something nice to come afterwards. So I want to be buried with a spoon to sho the best is still to come.

A beautiful hymn

2006-08-16T11:57:00.000+01:00

Jesus and shall it ever be

Jesus, and shall it ever be,

A mortal man ashamed of Thee?

Ashamed of Thee, whom angels praise,

Whose glories shine thro' endless days?

Ashamed of Jesus! sooner far

Let evening blush to own a star;

He sheds the beams of light divine

O'er this benighted soul of mine.

Ashamed of Jesus! that dear Friend

On whom my hopes of heav'n depend!

No; when I blush, be this my shame,

That I no more revere His name.

Ashamed of Jesus! yes, I may,

When I've no guilt to wash away;

No tear to wipe, no good to crave,

No fears to quell, no soul to save.

Till then, nor is my boasting vain,

Till then I boast a Saviour slain;

And O, may this my glory be,

That Christ is not ashamed of me!

Speak to me

2006-06-01T11:24:00.000+01:00

The little child whispered, "God, speak to me." And a meadowlark sang. But the child did not hear. So the child yelled, "God, speak to me!" And the thunder rolled across the sky. But the child did not listen. The child looked around and said, "God let me see you." And a star shone brightly But the child did not notice. And the child shouted, "God show me a miracle!" And a life was born. But the child did not know. So the child cried out in despair, "Touch me God, and let me know you are here!" Whereupon God reached down and touched the child. But the child brushed the butterfly away and walked away unknowingly. Take time to listen. Often times, the things we seek are right underneath our noses. Don't miss out on your blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.— Anonymous

Owed to a Spell Chequer

2006-05-31T15:24:00.000+01:00

Owed Two A Spell Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer,

it came with my pea sea.

It plainly marques, four my revue,

miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

and weight four it two say,

Weather eye am wrong oar write

it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,

it nose bee fore two long.

And eye can put the error rite

it's rare lea ever wrong

Eye have run this poem threw it,

I am shore your pleased two no.

Its letter perfect awl the weigh,

my chequer tolled me sew

Objectivity in observations

2006-05-16T22:14:00.000+01:00

I have recently had to undertake a number of observations on young children. We were told that while doing such a study one must remain objective, in other words we must separate ourselves from what we see and not be influenced by emotions or what we think is happening. We must only record what we 'know' is happening.It is unbelievably hard to do this as I will explain by the hypothetical observation below

Observation, draft 1

In the book corner there sat two children named Joe and Jack. Joe was sitting reading a book when all of sudden Jack got angry with him and punched him in the nose with his right fist, Joe started crying hysterically and red blood poured from his nose.

Draft 1 with a conversation between me and my tutor (my tutors words are in pink)

In the book corner there sat two children named Joe and Jack. Joe was sitting reading
How do you know he was reading?
A book when all of sudden Jack got angry
How do you know he was angry? He might just have wanted to remodel Joe's face a bit
with him and punched
he might not have punched him, he could have a nervous twitch
him in the nose with his right fist. Joe started crying
he could have been laughing
hysterically
and he might normally cry robustly
and red
colours are subjective
Blood
it could have been paint
poured from his nose
it might not have been his nose

Observation draft 2

In the book corner sat two children named Jack and Joe. Joe was sitting with a book partially covering his face. Jack’s arm went back in a 40˚ angle and then swung forward at a rate of 40 mph and landed upon the nose that was attached to Joe’s face. Out of the nose came a liquid, out of his eyes came another liquid and out of his mouth came a noise

Draft 2 with a conversation between me (in blue) and my tutor (in pink)

In the book corner
A lot of book corners aren’t actually in the corner
sat two children
They might not be children, they could be adults come to spy on you
People then?
they could be aliens,
living creatures?
Or robots
O.k. I’ll forget that sentence
named Jack and Joe.
Their names are subjective, because you needed to change them to ensure confidentiality, you could think Jack is a naughty sounding name.
Joe was sitting
Could be crouching, kneeling,
with a book
It might just look like a book to you
partially covering his face.
From where you were sitting
Jack’s arm went back
Someone else might call that forwards
in a 40˚ angle
measurements are never accurate
and then swung
Swung??
forward at a rate of 40 mph
As before
and landed upon the nose that was attached to Joe’s face.
It could be an optical illusion
Out of the nose came a liquid, out of his eyes came another liquid and out
of his mouth came a noise
Liquid and sounds are soooo subjective, how do you know that noise came from his mouth.

I know you think I’m being picky about this objectivity business, but what is recommended for this child depends upon it being accurate and detached from what people your own personal feelings.
Um o.k.

Draft 3
???????????????????????????????

My point is that as sinful human beings everything we write, say, think or see is influenced by who we are and it is therefore impossible to write a truly objective observation. So at what point does an observation become 'objective' by the tutors estimation.

hi

2006-04-11T16:56:00.000+01:00

Snowdon

2006-04-11T13:25:00.000+01:00

Here are some photo's from yesterdays visit to Snowdon, It has to be said that I only really enjoyed the way back, which was down hill. On the the way there I had massive blisters. I started to panic at the last bit because I'm scared of heights and it was really icy and near the edge. I liked it at the top though, I really felt I had achieved something.

Much as Snowdon has some lovely views, I hold true to this statement

It's a lot of pain
For so little gain!!!

How cruel was this!!!

2006-04-03T16:42:00.000+01:00

Soldier, Soldier, Won't You Marry Me?

Soldier, soldier, won't you marry me (I'm not actually sure women should propose anyway)
with your musket, fife, and drum?
Oh no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you
for I have no HAT to put on. (Rubbish excuse)

So off she went to the hatmaker's shop
As fast as she could run,
She bought him a hat, a very fine hat,
And the soldier put it on.

Soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
with your musket, fife, and drum?
Oh no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you
for I have no SHIRT to put on,

So off she went to the hatmaker's shop
As fast as she could run,
She bought him a shirt, a very fine shirt,
And the soldier put it on.

Soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
with your musket, fife, and drum?
Oh no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you
for I have no COAT to put on.

So off she went to the coatmaker's shop
As fast as she could run,
She bought him a coat, a very fine coat,
And the soldier put it on.

Soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
with your musket, fife, and drum?
Oh no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you
for I have no GLOVES to put on.

So off she went to the glovemaker's shop
As fast as she could run,
She bought him a pair a very fine pair,
And the soldier put them on.

Soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
with your musket, fife, and drum?
Oh no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you
for I have no BOOTS to put on.

So off she went to the bootmaker's shop
As fast as she could run,
She bought him a pair, a very fine pair,
And the soldier put them on.

NOW, soldier, soldier, will you marry me
with your musket, fife, and drum?
Oh no, sweet maid, I cannot marry you
for I have a WIFE at home!!!! (How gutted would you be?!?!)

English

2006-03-30T18:03:00.000+01:00

I found this the other day

It's no wonder foreigners have trouble with the english language,

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write,
how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What on earth does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Blogless

2006-01-23T20:02:00.000Z

I haven't blogged for two months, I feel sort of in dept, the problem is I can't think of anything to blog about. Here's some quotes to tide you over untill I speak again.

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath."
Dave Barry
American writer and humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947

I believe in the 'Big Bang' theory, God spoke and 'BANG', it was.
Anonymous

I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.
Anonymous

Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.
C.S. Lewis

anyone want to know

2005-11-16T08:06:00.000Z

Rohirrim

To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by

As regards my name

2005-11-03T22:10:00.000Z

1. Naomi (נעמי) means pleasant.
2. Naomi (נעמי) is the female version of the name Naaman (נצמן).
3. If you spell Naomi (נעמי) backwards you get I moan.
4. Naomi (נעמי) in the bible changed her name to Mara (מרא) meaning bitter.

Did you know?

2005-09-27T15:43:00.000+01:00

We Learn . .
10% of what we read
20% of what we hear
30% of what we see
50% of what we see and hear
70% of what we discuss
80% of what we experience
95% of what we teach others.

"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."

Albert Einstein

Learning to write

2005-09-21T17:30:00.000+01:00

Today at college (not to be confused a second time with collage) we learned how to write so that children could read it. It was actually really hard and slow to write in such a basic font. We also had to write in big writing like this. But at least we didn't have to stick to boring black ink.

Just for interest, you should always sit a left handed person on the end because they if you don't their arm will knock into the right handed person's next to them.

Collage

2005-09-06T18:08:00.000+01:00

I've just finished my first day at collage for 10 years. It was somewhat daunting at first, but as soon as I was swept along with all the other people on my course it wasn't too bad. At the end of the day the principal gave his lecture on how the collage was amazing and that we must work together to achieve our potential.

PS. Do you like the new colour?

Sharing

2005-08-24T08:53:00.000+01:00

The following conversation took place between my mum and my three year old sister Alice. I thought it was very honest.

Mum-They shared in the story didn't they? Do you share with Esther?

Alice-No, I share Esther's toys but I don't share my own.

Joke Joke

2005-08-05T10:40:00.000+01:00

I'm back from two more week's of beach mission.
My recent beach team leader made up a Joke, So I think i'd share it with you as I can't think of anything else to post about.

Q.What's the same about a sermon and a Joke
A. There both bad if they have to be explained

I'm Back

2005-07-11T09:34:00.000+01:00

I've just got back from two weeks of beach mission at Llandudno, they went very well.
We managed to speak to about 2000 school children in the assemblies as well as to hundreds of adults in the open air's. However about 80% of the people who listened in the open air were already Christians.

One fine day

2005-06-13T11:09:00.000+01:00

Ladies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
The topic to discuss...
The crime that has never been committed

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

Exam high's

2005-06-07T18:01:00.000+01:00

Don't you love that elated feeling you get when you've just done an exam. I do, I did two exams today and three yesterday, Now I've got two more tommorow and one the day after.
Exciting hay!!!!!!!!

You know it never ceases to amaze me how that in a room of about ten people everyone mannages to order someting different out of a choice of tea and coffee.

Sorry, a bit random today, must be those exam high's.

Today

2005-05-23T16:29:00.000+01:00

So, what exciting things have I done today?
Hmmmm
Well I did business studies-'starting a new firm'
I had an omelet for lunch, made by me.
I took my dog for a walk
Oh and I ate Ben's future wife.
O.k you think I'm mad, but really I'm not
On Saturday Ben made a lemon cake and having tasted it said he wanted to marry it. Unfortunately now he can't because I ate the last piece.

Questions

2005-05-12T22:35:00.000+01:00

1. Why are buildings raised to the ground? (I know I spelt it wrong)
2. Why are American Indians called American Indians when the live nowhere near India?
3. If today was Thursday(which it is) would next Monday be the Monday in 4 days time or the one in 11 days time?
4. How can private schools be public?
5. How can you 'sleep like a log' when log's don't sleep?
6. Why will I be guarenteed to think of another question when I've published this blog?

Just a random afterthought - 'You always find something in the last place you look', does this mean that, if you look in the last place you intend to look at first of all, you will find what you lost first time.

Posting

2005-05-04T09:16:00.000+01:00

To post or not to post? That is the question
At the moment I am revising for my AS's, I started one of them late and therefore I have half the course to covor in two weeks.
So the answer to the above question may well be not to post for a while.

Laugh to live

2005-04-18T15:15:00.000+01:00

Did you know that laughing is good for you? It loosens muscles, lowers blood pressure and lowers levels of hormones that create stress and weaken immunity. Small children laugh on average 150 times per day, but as you get older you laugh less. If you could laugh 50 times per day you would be a lot healthier.

Source texts

2005-04-13T10:12:00.000+01:00

For my history AS level I'm studying Oliver Cromwell. When I was doing a past paper I came across a source text which was taken from a letter written by Cromwell to his brother in-law telling his that his son had died. Upon reading the letter it sounded like he didn't care and he spent half the letter boasting about his victory. However in a different book I found the complete letter, and the tone was completely different from what was put across in the source text. Cromwell gave God the glory for his victory and comforted his sister and brother in-law in the fact that their son had died well and that he was a great soldier and a man of God who they would meet again in Heaven. Cromwell also Sympathized with them as he writes of how he also had lost a son to the war a year ago and God had helped him through.

Story

2005-04-04T12:10:00.000+01:00

There was once a young man and he lent a large sum of fifty pounds to his friend so his friend could start up in business. When the time came that the young man wanted his money back he wasn’t sure how to get it back because he didn’t have it in writing and his friends honesty was somewhat to be desired. He was sitting at home and debating within himself what to do when his father caught sight of him looking slightly glum, so the young man told him the problem. The father said” I’ll tell you what, you send him a letter asking for the hundred pound he owes you and…”
The young man interrupted “but he only owes fifty.”
“Yes,” said the father “But ask him for a hundred and he will write back and say he only owed you fifty, and then you’ll have it in writing.”

I'm Home educated

2005-03-31T13:28:00.000+01:00

Why is it that when you say you're home educated people always ask the same questions, and you generally give the same answers. People are so unoriginal.
Here are the questions I always get asked and the answers I give to them.
1.Q. How about socialisation with other people?
A. Aren't you a person?
2.Q Don't you get bored?
A. Sometimes, don't you?
3.Q. How do you do exams?
A. I sit them as a private candidate or go to night school.
4.Q. Do you have a tutor?
A. No, I teach myself
5.Q. Won't you find it hard when you go to university or get a job?
A. Probably
6.Q Will you home educate your children
A. Yes
etc....

At the end of the conversation people either say to me,
1. I wish I was home educated
or
2. Are you saying I'm wrong

Happy Easter

2005-03-24T14:21:00.000Z

I've had problems getting onto my computer lately hence my lack of posts.
Anyhow I thought I'd wish my readers Happy Easter.
So, Happy Easter

Macaroni Cheese on toast

2005-03-14T09:39:00.000Z

I used to think that macaroni Cheese on toast was something everyone had rather like they would have beans on toast or cheese on toast. However, much to my utter dismay I found that it was a delicacy perculier to my family. I felt an overwhelming grief for the millions of people who have spent their life without having this incredible dish, all for the sake of a piece of toast.
I strongly recommend it.

PS. I exaggerated slightly, I not really that obsessed with food

Debate

2005-03-09T11:17:00.000Z

Yesterday I went to a debate in Liverpool Cathederel. It was on the subject of 'Is Evolution compatible with the Christian faith.' It was rather one sided because there were about 1000 people there and most of them were six dayers. The evolutionest chap was a canon and spent most of the time doing his politician impression and avoiding the questions. He also kept turning his head away from the microphone so I couldn't hear him The Six day guy(John Macky) was far better, he spoke loudly in his strong austrailian accent and answered most of the questions put to him on.

How to be always pleased with you're exam results.

2005-03-04T09:35:00.000Z

I always think that when you take exams you should always reconcile yourself to failure before the results come out. That way if you fail you won't be disappointed, and if you pass you'll be chuffed, regardless of the mark. Of course you also need to prepare everyone else aswell, particularly your teachers, parents, and grandparents. So if anyone asks how you did you need to say, "awful", then you go on to explain how that you didn't revise what the questions were on and how you're sure that you didn't get long enough in the exam or some other true explanation of why you might do rubbish even though it wasn't your fault. Then they will expect you to fail and wont be disappointed when you tell them you have later.

Nan's and I.T

2005-03-02T12:50:00.000Z

I rather liked this poem, it's quite clever.

The computer’s swallowed Grandma
Yes honestly, it’s true
She pressed ‘Control’ and ‘Enter’
And disappeared from view.

It’s devoured her completely
The thought just makes me squirm
Maybe she’s caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I’ve searched through the Recycle Bin
And files of every kind
I’ve even used the internet
But nothing did I find.

In desperation I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found ‘Online’.

So, if inside your ‘In box’
My Grandma you should see
Please ‘Scan’, ‘copy’ and ‘Paste’ her
In an e’mail back to me.

Valerie Waite

Do I really look twelve?

2005-03-01T10:37:00.000Z

I was rather annoyed yesterday. I was at athletics and someone asked how old I was, I answered "fifteen" to which she exclaimed "Oh I thought you were about twelve or thirteen, you're really small." anyway one by one everyone else managed to hear how old I was, and I got exactly the same reaction from them all.

Man's best friend

2005-02-28T09:50:00.001Z

Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog it's too dark to read

Groucho Marx

Spies and Clarinet teachers

2005-02-26T10:14:00.000Z

I was very amused the other day when I was in my clarinet lesson and someone phoned up my teacher. He picked up the phone and said "Ah Sebastian", then switched into a torrent of German. Since then I have held the belief that Clarinet teaching is just a cover and he is in fact a masterspy